In Which Gravy is Mentioned
by PencilsInMyHair
Summary: He had heard a sudden yell of "COMIN' THROUGH, BEEP BEEP!" from the sky, was nearly crushed to death by a falling 'object', and was now engaged in conversation with the weirdest imbecile he had ever met...well, outside of Konoha, anyway.


_Written in less than two hours by a kid who has not watched Naruto in the last 1.5-2 years. And the plot? A royal manifesto of the true spirit of brainfarts. Enjoy._

This was possibly the dumbest thing that had ever happened to him. And he was saying that as a old friend…past _aqquaintance_ of Naruto. Well, when he thought about, there _had_ been some stupider happenings in Konoha (many of which involved Naruto, not so surprisingly…), but Sasuke had rapidly become used to the no-nonsense world of Otogakure, and was thus completely thrown by this latest occurrence, which was _definitely_ the dumbest thing that had happened to him since his departure. It also was not very similar to any of the silly incidents of his past, as those had usually involved a small, ridiculously loud ninja with blonde hair and a bright orange jumpsuit.

Sasuke was positive that none of those situations had ever involved a lanky civilian with body odor, a unibrow, and a long, dark-green coat.

The ridiculously loud factor had stuck, though.

"So, whatcha doin'?" the unknown kid laughed, his sleeves flapping in the wind as he swung his arms back and forth at his sides like a metronome. Sasuke simply stared back up at him from his place on the ground. Under usual circumstances, he would not have allowed himself to be physically placed at such a disadvantage; not only was he more vulnerable if this boy decided to attack, he was also psychologically putting himself beneath the other by sitting at a lower vantage point. He wasn't exactly sitting, though; it was more of a sprawled-on-the-ground position Sasuke found himself in at the moment.

The aura of the area was somehow impossibly and ironically peaceful; the scenery itself _looked_ ominous enough to prevent something like serenity from ever occurring. Sasuke's usual training ground was on this plateau, elevated over the surrounding wasteland like a looming castle of rough stone. The entire landscape was virtually devoid of plant life, save for a few stretches of some kind of teal-green moss, and littered with large spiky rock formations, which jutted up from the ground like ancient soldiers, towering into the blurry white sky with almost frightening majesty. No animals roamed the area, injuries were easy to come by due to the sharp stones, and strong winds often blew those travelling through the area off course by meters.

In other words, it was the perfect training ground to practice fighting in difficult terrain situations.

Which was precisely what Sasuke had been doing when he had heard a sudden yell of "COMIN' THROUGH, BEEP BEEP!" emanating from above. He hadn't even had the time to look skywards or prepare for an ambush before he was nearly plowed into the ground by a random falling kid. That very person was now peering down at him with pleasant confusion, still grinning cheerfully. He made a sudden movement towards Sasuke, whose hand immediately went for a kunai; however, the boy was simply offering to help the ninja up, his hand extended past the floppy sleeve of his coat. Sasuke warily allowed the stranger to pull him to his feet; no good in offending someone who might yet be an enemy in disguise. The tall kid then proceeded to prove almost all of his paranoid suspicions wrong; not many intelligent shinobi spies or assassins would so easily lower their guard while in the presence of a mysterious stranger and flop down over a random rock right in front of them.

Actually, in a place like this, few civilians would do that either; maybe this guy was an imbecile. The boy in question slowly looked around the area from his lazy perch, his gaze carefully considering every detail of the plain before he glanced upwards at the heavens, a wide goofy smile uncurling on his face as he looked back at Sasuke. "Hey, that cloud looks just like a cloud!"

Yes, it was now official; this guy was an imbecile.

"No single cloud is visible here," Sasuke intoned softly, shifting his gaze towards the empty white fog that blanketed the sky. "They are all hidden by one another. It is impossible to only distinguish an individual cloud".

"Yeah, but if you _could_, it would look like a cloud!"

"Hn. And what would the cloud look like?"

"A cloud!"

"You are missing my point; describe what it's appearance would be".

"It would look super cool. I'd name it Steven".

"…"

"Ooh, ooh, what's your name, mister? Cause I'm Ed; The Great Guru of Gravy!"

"I am Sasuke. My surname is of no importance".

"Hiya, Sasuke! Do you think that rock thingamajig looks like a duck?"

At this point, Sasuke had no idea whether or not Ed was kidding around with him. He spared a single disdainful glance at the stone Ed was dramatically gesturing to with his right hand. To his surprise, it _did_ bear some resemblance to a bird…though why Ed had noticed this, he wasn't sure.

"OH! OH! And _that_ one! Is that a basket I see?"

Another wild gesture, though this time with his left hand.

"Hn. Maybe".

"Aannnddd what do I spy with my little eye? A house! Or is that a boat? Nope, it's a house. And look over there, it's a chicken-helicopter-dolphin-thing! ...what?"

Ed had stood up once more for the sole purpose of using his left foot to point out the 'house'; however, what had startled Sasuke was the fact that this imbecile was gesturing towards the 'chicken-helicopter-dolphin-thing' (though he was fairly certain it most resembled a tree) with his eyebrow.

His _eyebrow_.

Which was virtually floating off of his face.

Something like this was doubtlessly abnormal, and Orochimaru had instructed him to report any miscellaneous oddities to one of the Otogakure jounin. Sasuke had already broken into a run towards the edge of the plateau closest to his master's base when he realized exactly how ridiculous it was for him to react this way; after all, there was very little for one to do with an entirely too independent eyebrow, and Ed had yet to show any signs of true hostility. And while Orochimaru had warned him to notify the 'village' of all possible risks, Sasuke was more concerned with impressing the vain Snake-Sannin; he seriously doubted that he would be taken seriously if he flew back to the hideout at lightning speed to warn them of a suspicious eyebrow.

Ed, meanwhile, had misinterpreted Sasuke's mad dash as a sign that he had somewhere to be. "Aw, are you leaving so soon?"

"…Yes. I must return to my base for training," he murmured vaguely, slightly disturbed at the sudden face of utmost misery Ed was giving him. It seemed he at least he knew how to use that eyebrow to its full emotional potential.

"Okay…Well, see ya later, new friend! BYE~!"

New friend? What? Why would that fool think that a small conversation about clouds and strangely shaped rocks was enough to make them 'friends'? And Ed wasn't a jutsu user in any way, shape, or form; how could he have just walked off of the side of the cliff like that?

Sasuke was only just starting to understand what had transpired when he heard a now-familiar voice behind him. "Oh yeah! I almost forgot! Here, take this". The utterly nonplussed ninja was completely silent as the goofy Ed handed him what might have once been a page from a notebook, though it was now reduced to a mere scrap of paper. "Okay, now off I go! Again! TO THE CANDY STORE!" Glancing down bemusedly at the 'gift' from the mysterious boy, Sasuke saw that it was a homemade recipe for some sort of simple gravy. 'How…fitting'. Unsure of what expression he should be wearing at the moment, Sasuke settled for his usual cold stare, striding back to Otogakure carrying the calm certainty he had left it with. Ed was nothing but a distraction, and he wasn't going to waste any time trying to puzzle out the many quandaries-

'…wait a minute; didn't Ed leap off the side of the plateau I was facing? He did. Then how did he reappear behind me mere seconds later?'

"…Hn".

* * *

><p>AFTER A FEW YEARS HAVE PASSED:<p>

A trio of shinobi sat huddled around an open flame near their makeshift shelter, another fire burning on the other side of a dark thicket. Team Hebi had decided to rest for the night in this little forest alcove, as it was protected by a cliff face on one side, while the other areas were less effectively guarded by thick brambles. Though the plants may not have provided an ideal assault barrier, they did wonders on the local wildlife; their leader had already managed to ensnare a small deer, which had been chopped up and was now slowly boiling in a pot of water, spices, and other various ingredients, all of which were commonplace and very easy to prepare.

Despite this, however, every member of the group knew the meal was bound to be surprisingly scrumptious. They had tasted many varieties of it along the road, after all, and all four of them were quite aware of exactly how many different types of meat and flavorings could be successfully used to make it.

One of the trio situated at the first fire was somewhat irritated with continuity of it all, though.

"It's always the same type of meal in the end!" Karin raged quietly, hoping her beloved Sasuke did not overhear her little outburst. After all, she wouldn't want to offend her future husband, and the food WAS fairly tasty…

"I have no problems with the dish. Why do you not simply inform our leader of your complaints?"

"You seriously think she'd do that, Jugo? Little wench is too obsessed with pleasin' him. But I agree," Suigetsu continued, grinning mockingly as Karin seethed in rage at his insult. "He's made this meal a bit too often. But he doesn't need to know more than one recipe; really, he doesn't need to know any. Leave the cooking to the women".

_THWACK_.

"…Ow".

"What are you doing, Suigetsu? Karin?"

"O-oh nothing really, Sasuke! Let's just have some of this delicious...food, okay?"

There was a short period of silence in which the team started tucking in to the large bowls of thick, rich gravy that they had been given for dinner.

"…heh, doesn't matter anyway, our wench can't cook".

_THWACK_.

"…Ow".

Watching his teammates' usual antics with an exasperated and somewhat amused sigh, Jugo quietly set his bowl and spoon down next to the fire before looking at the team's leader with almost childlike curiosity. "Hey Sasuke, you've never told us where you learned to make such gravy. Was it a family recipe?"

The taciturn boy stared back at him with his usual blank expression, yet for a moment, Jugo was almost positive he had seen his captain's mouth twitch upwards in a small smile. Carefully considering the inquiry, Sasuke neatly sipped on the dregs of his meal and turned his gaze back towards the nearly empty bowl, his voice neutral as he answered. "I believe that I learned this recipe from…an imbecile".

Silence, but for the clinking of cutlery on dishes.

"…Hn. I seem to have run out of gravy".

_I've got no clue if Team Hebi are in character or not; my full background knowledge of their behavior comes from random browsing of Narutopedia three days prior to when I wrote this. I'm also not quite sure how or why this utterly random idea occured to me, and it would probably be for the best if I went back and worked on my other story instead. Gravy. _


End file.
